To celebrate the impending release of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, and because we like to indulge in the occasional bit of fun around the office, we’ve compiled THE definite list of U.S. Presidents and their resoundingly awesome alter-egos.
Naturally, rigorous criteria were applied to each and every Commander in Chief, demanding the actor portraying them also star in a role of consummate baddassery.
The results, as I’m sure you’ll agree, are staggering. A worrying trend emerges. God only knows what Obama gets up to on his nights off...8. Ronald Regan – Man in Black
Rip TornAirplane 2: The Sequel (1982) Ronald Regan
Men In Black (1997) Zed
The nation’s 40th president saw his country through the bulk of the 80’s. No mean feat and one doubtless achieved by investigating and concealing advanced alien technologies. Ironic, considering Rip Torn is arguably the very antithesis of the term ‘clandestine’...7. George W. Bush – Bounty Hunter
Josh BrolinW. (2008) W.
Jonah Hex (2010) Uh...
Derided for the better part of his eight year run for a somewhat pedestrian wit, this clever ruse gave US President 43 the drop on unsuspecting contracts. Besides, his reflexes are legitimately legendary. Remember when he dodged that shoe? You can’t teach that!6. Dwight D. Eisenhower – Private Investigator
Tom SelleckIke: Countdown to D-Day (2004) Dwight D. Eisenhower
Magnum P.I. (1980-88) Jonathan Magnum
There could be some truth to this rumour, given Eisenhower’s famously clean shaven visage and Magnum’s impossibly full facial hair. The moustache is obviously a fake. No-one’s is that rich and luxurious. Makes sense though; one can hardly investigate without first mastering the art of disguise...5. Teddy Roosevelt – Popeye
Robin WilliamsNight at the Museum (2006) Teddy
Popeye (1980) Well, it wasn’t Bluto!
It’s a well known fact that Roosevelt acquired his nickname from a lifetime wrestling bear’s into submission. Predictably, this pastime takes its toll on the physique and his diet of can after endless can of spinach proved adequate sustenance.4. Thomas Jefferson – Absorbing Man
Nick NolteJefferson in Paris (1995) Jefferson
Hulk (2003) Absorbing Man
Famously Jefferson is the only two-term president never to veto a bill. He was literally willing to absorb whatever the people wanted into the country’s terms of governance. From here, it doesn’t take the most intuitive of leaps to comprehend how he’d wind up with the Incredible Hulk as a foe...3. John Quincy Adams – Wolf Man
Anthony HopkinsAmistad (1997) Adams
The Wolf-Man (2010) A Wolf-Man
Look at those chops. The man was definitely a werewolf. Deal With It!2. Richard Nixon – Skeletor
Frank LangellaFrost/Nixon (2008) Not Frost!
Masters of the Universe (1987) Skeletor
Turns out, he WAS a crook! However his controversial Watergate Scandal was secondary to his far less publicised Eternia Scandal, in which he repeatedly tried to out muscular Arians from Castle Greyskull. His nose was suspiciously absent during the latter.1. John Francis Kennedy – Batman
Bruce GreenwoodThirteen Days (2000)
Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)
Obviously taking his own 'Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country', advice to heart, JFK obviously viewed this as an opportunity to right whatever wrongs left by assorted bills and legislation by dressing as an airborne rodent and dispensing white-knuckle vigilante justice.
This would certainly go a ways to explaining his popularity during his presidency.