For the record, I LOVE Superman Returns.
This is because I AM A SUPERMAN FAN!
I don’t think it’s perfect and I fully understand why it was met with such disappointment. But it nailed SUPERMAN
. Brandon Routh
was quietly confident, tirelessly loyal and cripplingly lonely. But he never doubted himself, never indulged in this all-too-trendy identity crisis. Returns’ Supes did his job. He saved people.
And was happy to do it!
Best of all, the origin story was skimmed over because Bryan Singer
rightly assumed everyone on the face of the gorram planet was familiar with it!Zach Snyder
and Christopher Nolan
seem to have erred in assuming the very opposite...
If a trailer is typically considered sufficient to excite audiences, then I feel justified my concerns for Man of Steel.I DON’T WANT
to watch a film wherein the world’s finest Superhero doubts
whether or not he should enjoy his limitless power. Or save a busload of drowning chizzlers...I DON’T NEED
a Superman tale in which he fishes, fishes
, rather than saving lives, inspiring good deeds and high fiving everyone in Western Europe!I DON’T LIKE
the prospect of watching Henry Cavill
act like a martyr when in fact he’s the luckiest sumbitch (fictional or otherwise) in the history of storytelling.
So, bearing my deliberately apparent bias in mind, let’s take a closer look at yesterday’s Theatrical Trailer...
This is Kal El's idea of a hot bath... Enlarge "Hi Kids! Sorry but Pa Kent thinks I should let you all die.... kinda awkward..." Enlarge He has so many questions. We don't however, we've seen this three times before! Enlarge NOT a shot from Superman Returns. Allegedly. Enlarge After 90 seconds of Wailing Woman Trailer Music, its time for a special effect! Enlarge Honestly, it's not Superman Returns. It's not! Enlarge Nor is it Independence Day! Enlarge Russell Crowe looks sad even though this is basically the trailer for GLADIATOR Enlarge There's a gag about Cavill being so hot right now but I refuse to make it. Enlarge Spaceships quickly becoming a regular sight in Kansis Enlarge KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Enlarge Fat Larry runs from a crumbling Daily Planet? Enlarge Money Shot. Is it worth it, folks? Enlarge Superman decides to headbutt a space laser. Daycent! Enlarge Superman attempts world's least secretive bank heist! Enlarge Lois Lane is Amy Adams is Pretty. That is All. Enlarge
Honestly, if Returns
’ major flaw was aping the Donner
efforts, then Man of Steel
is taking the piss.
So, Congratulations everyone!
Looks like you’re getting that Superman
film with some fights in it!Kal El
will doubtless match fists and lock lasers with Faora
and an armada of fling carapaces. It just looks like we’ll have to put up with 90 minutes of soul searching, self doubt and Clark Kent’s
very best Peter Parker
impersonation before that!